How To Be A Crazy Struggling Asian

Dear reader,

Anyone else on the struggle bus? Let’s rain some truth on this b*tch. It’s fabulous to pursue what you love, but it’s also f@$#ng hard to be an artist. Instagram @cecechic shows the highlights of my life(OMG! I’m, like, amaze!), but it’s called an image for a reason. My life is not perfect and I never want alienate anyone who may feel like their lives are “less so”. So this post is KIRA: keepin’ it real always. (I only use facebook to share blog posts. Too much social media makes me gassy)

Makin It Rain…or Drought

Acting is a huge investment. Classes, headshots, networking, you name it. “Uh, isn’t someone, just gonna, like, discover me?” Nice try Cindy Crawford(dating myself here), but most of us will be hustling for years. My biggest priority right now is paying RENT. LA is expensive. I live in a cozy, converted living room in Ktown with an adorable roomie. When you love what you do, you need less stuff (except cute shoes, bags, and clothes. fashion whore, loud and proud). Sure, it’d be amazing to own a sweet a$$ home with a pool/hot tub/balcony someday, but that’s not why I’m doing this. Materialism can be the death of art.

May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor(not)

According to Google, the average unemployment rate for actors hovers around 90 percent. So when some people say: OMG YOU’RE GONNA BE FAMOUS! I want to punch them in the face. They have the best intentions but really don’t get how challenging and time consuming this path can be. Can you imagine any other job where the extent of experience does NOT match the role you’re in? Wrap your mind around that. So like my teacher at Stella Adler says: “if there’s any other job you like to do, do it.” Acting is tough af and I love it.

Did you know auditions require you to be available at any moment? Keeping a 9-5 job is simply not possible if you have any plans for success. I dog walk and teach, but mostly my loved ones support me. Blessed with unconditional love and that’s all I’m going to say here 😉 Everyday, I manifest abundance and believe someday this will all pay off.

Fresh Off The Boat

Constance Wu is #BAE. Her show FOTB is the first Asian American family on TV in 21 years. Crazy Rich Asians is LIT. It’s a double edged milestone that’s empowering and shows us HOW MUCH WORK we’ve still got. Let’s see it as the tip of an invisible iceberg. C.R.A. represents a sliver of our stories. Good news? Audiences want diversity. We can sell the big bucks. In Hollywood, green speaks (cue Awkwafina’af on SNL).

Quick brain-gasm: think about the last show you watched and how many of the LEAD characters were minorities. How many do you count? Check out billboards with diverse characters(not just extras per remake of Beauty and the Beast). I bet you can count them on one hand and that’s generous. Like Maggie Q says, I don’t want to be up for “asian” roles, I want to play interesting characters. P.S. ASIAN PEOPLE: let’s be more outspoken about our invisibility and demand opportunity. Regardless of whether you’re Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Malaysian, Thai, Laotian, Mixed, etc. Support each other and other minorities. United we stand, b*tches. (anyone who denies whitewashing is real probably has similar views on global warming. like, the earth is flat, duh)

Daddy Issues

Relationships with men are never easy, but they’re MUCH better than low self esteem 20’s. I set healthy boundaries with anyone who is toxic. This applies to my family. My dad still sends me texts me about how I should invest in a better, stable, long term career plan. I delete them cuz it just brings me down. Thankfully, my mom is far more supportive. It’s the hardest thing in the world to accept your loved ones for who they are. Only then can we stop expecting validation. Free yourself, loves. Forgive them and open your heart to the people who will embrace you wholeheartedly.(my Oscars speech will include shoutouts to my therapists. No shame in the mental health game!)

Dear reader, like any good parking spot, we’ve got to validate ourselves.

Detach from the negative thoughts and watch them float away like leaves in the breeze. Lean In to positive energy. This is the path to become a Mental Samurai (title of FOX game show hosted by Rob Lowe. We froze our asses of in the audience while watching people try to to be “perfect” by answering trivia in 30 seconds. Nobody won the 10 grand. Quel surprise)

Blessed to building a community in LA. Our faces are different, but are hearts are the same. (p.s. be careful in LA cuz many mofos fake) Whatever you’re passionate about, NOW is the time to start. Next time someone asks me about my 5 year plan, respond…”To be happy. To find fulfilment in the process, rather than the result. Clapping back at the hater-ade, SUP.

Remember: challenges suck balls, but they also offer an opportunity to THRIVE.

Thanks SO much for reading about my pits and peaks. I hope you feel a little bit more inspired and a little less alone. HAPPY MATHA FAHCKIN FRIDAY!

Love and peace,

CeCe Chic

 

How To Deal With Duality: A Teacher’s Take

Dear Reader,

Have you ever felt on top of the world one minute just to fall on your face the next? You master 3 inch heels…PIGEON. You find the one…ICEBERG. You can have the best day ever and feel like sh*t the moment you walk home. Short of plugging back into The Matrix, how do we deal with duality?

Exhibit A: last weekend.

1. Ying: Love Sucks

The ex clearly cares. He started therapy, sends letters, shared my betrayal blog, and publicly apologized on facebook. However, rebuilding trust is a slow grind. The happy memories are rudely interrupted by his hands on some other girl’s hips. Cue rage dialing and f*ck yous.  Sacred incense burned. ‘Love is a lie’ chanted.

Come Sunday, anxiety drove auto-pilot.  ‘I can handle it’ affirmations morphed into ‘WHY MEEEE?!’ The hummus-avocado baguette from my favorite cafe tasted like nothing. Speed walking got me stuck behind  a guy caressing the back of his girlfriend’s neck like Noah from The Notebook. OH GAWD. I barreled through oncoming traffic to cross. Naturally, I ended up behind another couple.

Preach

2. Yang: Thank Universe 

The spirits heard my pain and answered. Outside my photography class, a woman oozing euro-hippie-chic dangled a cigarette in the sun. Her pale-green pashmina, flowing black dress, free people boots stood out in a sea of conformity. She smiled: the kind that emanates from the soul. Hello Teacher!

In open-book fashion, I blurted out my 3 month elephant internship news, expressing jitters about living in a remote village 5 hours from Pai, Thailand. The village is untouched by tourism, which means I’ll need to embrace being alone. I’d never heard of Pai till now: she lived there for 2 years.  “Such an artist town,” her doe-eyes lit up.

Since the other students were a no show, we shared an intimate session commenting on her favorite works. Ever wonder about your perception on life? Try this revealing exercise at home. Mine is ‘exuberant-optimism-pulverized-by-reality.’

Airbnb Busan

I felt embarrassed by my dreamer tendencies. “Please don’t change,” she encouraged. I told her about sharing my abortion on this blog. “I have goosebumps,” she wrapped her pashmina closer. I apologized for talking too much. “I’m just listening…you’re so beautiful,” her meditation voice soothed. Cue tears over pad thai.

3. Peace Be With You

Come sunset, we landed upon the inspiration behind this post. My philosophy: “Just as I’m starting to get my life together…BAM! D*ck-slapped.” Hers: “Wow, well said. You know, we all have ugly days. I just let myself feel it.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. In our world of Get-Over-It-Faster-On-Instagram, how do we allow ourselves to feel low? Do we give ourselves enough time to do so? Why is there so much pressure to be high performing when we really should be taking a break?  So how do we deal with duality? DON’T.

Don’t resist. Don’t force energizer bunny when you’re feeling ramen-for-days. Don’t tell your loved ones you’re OK, when you can’t remember the last time you showered. Don’t hide your demons in the closet. They won’t stay there for long.

DO allow crappy days to free up room for better ones. Do vocalize your monster so you can manage it. Do seek a professional healer for any unanswered questions.

Do take a mental health weekend where you only nurture yourself: that means saying no to other people. Let me know how it goes.

Remember: JUST DO IT! made Nike rich, but it’s a poor coping habit.

It’s OK to have bad days, too.

Teacher,

writinginsoysauce